They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
