I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
