Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
