Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
