just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
