I met the friendliest cop last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
