Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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