I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
