I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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