i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
