She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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