i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
