that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
