They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
