I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
