Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
