just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
