He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
