My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
