I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
