I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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