im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
