not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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