conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
