but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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