so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He shit in the fireplace
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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