I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
