Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
