Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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