You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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