I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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