Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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