Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
