Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
