Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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