I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
