I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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