So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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