The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
