i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
