drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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