Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
