my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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