This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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