if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, he came in my armpit
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
