Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
