I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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