I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
