I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
