a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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