I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
