Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
