Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
