is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
