Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
