yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You can't motorboat a personality
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
