shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
